Troubleshooting for Dummies

It pains me inside to say that I actually spoke with this woman this evening and that she actually said these things.


TM: What seems to be the problem?
Moron: My screen is snowy.
TM: Ok. Were you using the remote and noticed it went snowy?
Moron: No. I just got home and noticed it was like this so I called.
TM: Ok. What channel are you on right now?
Moron: I don't know.
TM: Can you check?
Moron: How?
TM: Tell you what. Just shut off the tv, and then turn it back on. When it's on, it will say what channel we're on.
Moron: Ok.

Three minutes later...

TM: What channel does it say it's on?
Moron: I don't know. I only see snow. There was something written there before, but it disappeared after a few seconds.
TM: Ok, forget it. Do you see a light on the receiver?
Moron: The what?
TM: The receiver. The box. The bell box. Do you see a light on it?
Moron: Huh?
TM: Is the receiver on?
Moron: Yeah, there's a red light flashing. It says satellite.
TM: That is your remote control.....



Can you see your television?
Moron: Yes.
TM: Underneath it is a box that says bell. Can you see that?
Moron: Yes.
TM: That is your receiver. Is there a light on it?
Moron: Yes.
TM: Ok, so at least we know it's on.

A few minutes later...

TM: Ok, I would like you to unplug the receiver from the electrical outlet.
Moron: What do you mean?
TM: I want you to take the power cord and pull it out of the wall.
Moron: Well how do I do that?
TM: You pull the power cord out of the wall.
Moron: Ok.
TM: Is it unplugged?
Moron: No, I decided not to unplug it. It was too difficult.
TM: Fine.

A few minutes later...

TM: Change your tv to channel 03, please.
Moron:
TM: Did you change the channel to 03?
Moron: Why is the machine off?
TM: What do you mean?
Moron: There's no light on the thingy.
TM: The receiver is off? Press the power button on the remote, please.

(Tada, the picture is back. Oh, the miracles of modern technology...)

Moron: Why would my recever be off?
TM: Did you turn it off?
Moron: No. How could I have turned it off? I was gone for hours.
TM: Well, if a receiver is inactive for an extended period of time, it will go into sleep mode, kind of like your computer.
Moron: Why would it go into sleep mode?
TM: Because you weren't using it while you were away.
Moron: Exactly, I was gone and before I leave I always turn off my tv and my receiver. Why would they need to be on if I'm not home?


TM: I think you just answered your own question ma'am.



later.-Tara